Let’s Talk About: Virginity

Virginity is a really weird thing, Fangirls. For some, it’s a very big deal. They have a strong idea of what virginity means to them and how long they would like to wait until they have sex. To others, that word isn’t really in their vocabulary. For me, it’s not that I lay somewhere in between, but rather that I think the whole concept really needs some updating.

Virginity can be a pretty dangerous word and concept. Why? When you think about the definition of the word virginity or virgin, after the more modern uses of the word, we can see that to be a virgin means to be pure, untouched, unused, fresh. So, when you think about that and then try to relate that to people that have had sex, that leaves some not so nice feeling words to describe them. Don’t get me wrong, I of course completely respect someones choice to wait to have sex or to take there time getting comfortable with it. That’s not what I’m talking about being incorrect. But I think the idea of virginity is separate from that, and I think it needs to go. It puts pressure on people who haven’t had sex, and gives people who do have sex sort of bad name.

But I mean, what type of sex is virginity even talking about any way? Is it everything? Is it only one thing? If someone says they’ve lost they’re virginity, what exactly have they engaged in? It gives me a headache, Fangirls. Virginity just causes confusion. If you’re with a new partner, trying to discuss limits or history, if someone just tells you “Oh, I’m a virgin” with no further explanation, it’s hard to tell what they mean. They could have not done any sort of anything sexual ever. They could have given 1,000 blow jobs, but never had penetrative sex. If we were to just get rid of this whole concept of virginity, more communication could happen, and less confusion.

There’s also a whole laundry list of confusion when it comes to the physical side of virginity. Women thinking that their vaginas are going to rip open and monsters will crawl out. Well, maybe not exactly that, but you kind of get what I mean. There’s this whole myth of cherries popping and hymens being broken and gotten rid of. Nope. Yes, women do have a hymen, but it doesn’t ever go away. It’s merely part of the vagina that before experiencing penetration is tight, but it can be relaxed & open up more, making things much more comfortable. The hymen is like a very thin screen with a small hole that is the the vagina. The first time you have sex, it needs to be slowly stretched using fingers or dildos or what have you to make intercourse more comfortable. It will also stretch out more when you often use tampons & things like that. The hymen will be tight or small before you first have penetrative sex or masturbation, and will become tight again if you go a bit without any sort of penetration.



Because the hymen is a thin membrane, if you are too rough with it, you can get tears in it, which is why a lot of women bleed their first time having intercourse, and why there’s a lot of confusion about what the hymen is. Your first time having sex should not be that painful. If you just go shoving things up there, yeah, it will hurt. But if you take your time and get your vagina comfortable, things will run very smoothly. Relax the vagina and let it produce it’s own lubrication before you go ahead inserting things. The best way to prepare the vagina for penetration is from clitoral stimulation and orgasm. I’ve read that it’s best for a female to orgasm at least 2 – 3 times before beginning penetration & vaginal stimulation. Give those vulva’s some love, everyone. Your vagina with thank you.

I think that if the concept of virginity wasn’t used so often, we would have this sort of confusion. It intimidates & pressures people. Of course, getting rid of this whole idea is no where near an easy task. Virginity has been around since the neolithic era. It’s kind of hard to start reversing that kind of idea, but I do think it’s possible to start putting a lot less focus on it. We need to get rid of this idea that virginity is a commodity, or that it dictates how you first have sex & what it will be like, and that it’s so very vital to everyone’s life, especially young women.

Embrace your first time having sex, Fangirls, no matter when it may be. Listen to your bodies and take your time, it will certainly be worth it. Instead of losing our virginity, let’s lose the concept all together. Having sex does not make you dirty, unpure, tainted, used. Virginity is not a word we need to associate with sexuality, they don’t go well together. Sex is awesome. Have it when your comfortable. It’s your sexual debut. Don’t worry, Fangirls, you’re not losing anything by having sex.


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