Let’s Talk About: Sex & Disability

Fangirls! For a long time, I’ve wanted to chat on this topic. It’s one that needs a whole lot more attention in our world. The sexuality of people living with disabilities is damn near ignored in our society, and that’s just not cool. Sexuality when disability is in the mix is surely different, but it’s really just another way that sexuality is specific to each person, just as injury & illness are going to be specific to each person. Sex is a highly beneficial thing that people with disabilities don’t need to view as another obstacle in their lives.

Sex in general is a pretty profound medicine within itself. Sexual arousal and orgasm can boost the immune system, relieve tension & stress, release endorphins, serve as a mild cardiovascular workout, and promote general well-being. Sex is good stuff for anyone, so there’s no reason why the sexuality of the disabled should be such a myth. Whether your ill or disabled physically, mentally, or emotionally, if it’s something you desire to have, a normal sex life is very possible. Surely, if you’re disability wasn’t something you were born with, it might be different than what you were used to, but getting creative is fun.

There’s plenty ways to become aroused & feel pleasure even when parts of your body or how it functions are compromised. It just takes some planning, some practice, and listening to your body. Sex with disability often will take some planning, but the results are of course very rewarding. Daily life can be so physically & mentally stressful for people living with disabilities, taking the time for the pleasure of intimacy can be particularly appreciated. Hindered health & ability will most definitely affect your sexual experiences. However, it doesn’t need to make them completely nonexistent. It could actually open you up to a larger range of new pleasures. How or where you experience pleasure can change when disabled, and catering to those things can create concerns, but also new ways of experiencing intimacy. For example, excruciating pain of arthritis can make sex difficult or unappealing, but, taking the time to go slow & warm yourself up for sex before hand can be really beneficial to both your body and your arousal. Warming up with a bath or massage to prepare your body for sex can really enhance your pleasure later on. Foreplay is something considered to increase satisfaction, so think of this kind of stuff as pre-foreplay. The stuff before the before the sex. To me, that’s just seems like setting yourself up for a real good time.

And don’t think this is all about people facing physical disabilities, Fangirls. I’m also talking mental & emotional. The sexuality of people with developmental disabilities is especially ignored, but they, just like everyone, have the right to adult sexual & romantic relationships. I’m also talking about things like depression, anxiety, and self esteem. These things can hinder sexuality just has much as physical disability, and just like with that, you’ve got to find when & how to make sexuality work for you. Sometimes that’s through medication, sometimes that’s through therapy, it’s through however you’re comfortable & what works for you. Sexual self-image, though that’s a whole other article, is an important thing to try to keep just as healthy as your physical self.

Being disabled can change a sexuality a whole lot for someone, but it should never keep them from it. Having a healthy sex life when you’re living with a disability is so much more than just a possibility for someone. With a little planning & exploring, a normal sex life is easy & also beneficial, just like in the lives of able bodied people. It’s really not so different, so we’ve got to stop expecting & treating it like it is. Disabled people, just like anyone, have the sexual rights we’re all entitled to, to get it on ’til the break of dawn if they so choose.

I highly recommend the fantastic book The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability by Cory Silverberg and Miriam Kauffman to you all, Fangirls. I think there’s something in this book for everyone to take away, and in a lot of cases can be extremely helpful & reassuring. Check it out!

Be safe & have fun!



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