Let’s Talk About: Masturbation in Relationships

relamastoThere seems to be a stigma attached to masturbation that says that it is only for those who are single and lonely. However, that’s some real nonsense. Masturbation is for everyone; Single, dating, or in a relationship, whatever type of relationship that may be. Masturbation surely isn’t for everyone, but for those who enjoy it, it’s important to still keep that little spark between you and yourself going, despite having a healthy sex life within a committed relationship.

It’s silly to end playtime with yourself just because you’ve got someone else to play with, too. Masturbation is a great little outlet, an opportunity for everyone to have some relaxing you time. Masturbation can be viewed as a whole separate sex life that is only regarding you. You might have things that you like to do while masturbating, things that turn you on, that might not necessarily get you going when you’re with a partner. It’s all perfectly normal, and healthy!

26-mo-column.w529.h352Masturbation within a relationship is often viewed as a bad, worrisome thing. Partners are angry when they “catch” their partner masturbating, thinking that if they’re masturbating, they must be dissatisfied with the sex life within the relationship. That’s all poppycock. Scientifically, there is no correlation between masturbating while in a relationship, and being unhappy with your sex life with that person. In fact, studies have shown that frequency of masturbation doesn’t go anywhere once someone is in a relationship. And it should stay that way. No matter how much we love a partner, or how much we love the sex with them, masturbation should still be present if you wish for it to be. Sex is not a substitute for masturbation, and masturbation is not a substitute for sex. They’re different things, happening between different people, so of course, we should treat it as such. mihaly-von-zichy-studies-of-masturbation-plate-40-of-liebe

Self-love isn’t just for single people, Fangirls. You don’t stop enjoying or appreciating things that turn you on once you are in a relationship, so there’s no need to stop acting on it. The only problems that should ever arise from this, is if the frequency of the masturbation gets out of control, and seems to replace sex within the relationship for one person. That’s no good. Touch yourself all you want, just be sure your partner is getting their fair share of your touching too. Really enjoy masturbating? There’s a way to turn that inward on your relationship, and enjoy it as more than a solo act. Mutual masturbation is a wonderful thing that partners can engage in. Mutual masturbation is when the two of you masturbate, together! Lay down, get in the shower, turn on some porn, whatever you please to get the party started. Close your eyes, and dirty talk each other into a dreamy fantasy that is sure to get you both hot & heavy. Have something that you want to try out but aren’t sure yet? Lay down together and talk out the activity while masturbating, you might find it’s hotter than you expected or not so much. It can also calm your nerves about trying something new before you fully get into it. It’s also a fantastic act of foreplay. Mutual masturbating is a great way to be both in tune with yourself, and each other.

In a relationship? No worries. Don’t fear masturbation, embrace it. Just because one sex life is beginning, doesn’t mean the one with yourself has to end. Just be sure to check in with your self, and your partner, about boundaries, privacy, and all that good stuff. Most importantly, be safe and have fun!



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