Nerds Gotta Eat: Gertrude’s Unicorn Balls

As we all know, Gertrude (the hate wielding heroine of I Hate Fairyland) hates Fairyland and everything in it. One of the things that (though I have yet to see them in the comic) I’m sure is in the area, are unicorns. I feel that Gertrude would love castrating all of those horned horses and serving their balls as a delicacy, so I made some of my own.



For these Unicorn (Cake) Balls, you’ll need:
1c Softened Butter
1/2c Shortening
3c Sugar
5 Eggs
3c Flour
2tbs Baking Powder
1/4tbs Salt
1c Milk
2tbs Vanilla Extract

You’ll also need (after the cakes are baked):
1 can of frosting
white chocolate melts in various colors


Preheat your oven to 350*F, as you mix your wet ingredients. Slowly add your dry ingredients, scraping the sides of the bowl often. Grease and lightly flour a cake pan or two, then bake for 30-45 minutes (you’ll want to stick a fork in it to check; if it comes out clean it’s ready!). Let your cakes cool.


Once they’ve cooled, you can cruel them up in a bowl. I suggest crumbling them one at a time, and adding half of your can of frosting to each cake. They should be a bit goopy, with the frosting and cake mixed together. Then, take a spoon to portion out small balls. Roll them in your hands to make it more round (this takes more work and can be a bit frustrating; the frosting gets everywhere). Once you have a cookie sheet covered in balls, pop them in the freezer for at least 10 minutes. While they were freezing, we continued to roll the balls.

My mum came in at this point and set me straight with the ball rolling. They were far tighter than these.
My mum came in at this point and set me straight with the ball rolling. They were far tighter than these.

After we had most of the balls rolled, then we started to melt the chocolate. We put tons of these little chocolate melts into a pie plate, into the microwave, and heated them until they were nice and melty. Then we swirled them a bit (but not too much), and started rolling the frozen cake balls in the melted chocolate. Some we put sprinkles on, some we didn’t. After that, they went back into the fridge until the chocolate was cooled. And voila! Unicorn Balls.


I made these for Father’s Day last week, but I think they’re great for any occasion; they’re tasty, fun, and festive enough for any day! Stay safe from Fairyland, Fangirls!













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