I have a lot of issues with my body; the way it jiggles and how muscles never seem to be defined. I don’t like that I break out in acne often because of my exercise & facial cleaning routines. I don’t like the way my thighs rub together when I walk or run; not just because I don’t like how it looks, but that’s something that can genuinely hurt.
It doesn’t feel good to look at the things I don’t like about myself. It’s exhausting to have to see myself in the mirror on already long days and be upset with my figure, the way clothes fit me, or the way parts of my legs look like cottage cheese.
But yesterday morning in the shower, after I did an exercise that was deemed intermediate and kicked all of my buttocks, I realized that my body is strong. Of course, I wish and work for definition in that strength, but looking at parts of my body makes me realize that I’m getting there. The aches in my legs from cardio and strength training remind me daily that I’m working hard and succeeding; if I weren’t sore, I’d be going too easy.
My body has changed quite a bit in the last year. I lost 40lbs relatively quickly last year, and since I moved in August I’ve been trying to further my weight loss. One of my friends told me, before I moved, that I was happier when I wasn’t concerned with my weight, because I knew I have fat and that’s just how things went. But when I’m tracking my calories, and putting so much energy into weight loss and half-marathon training, it makes me less happy.
I believe it. I’m more critical because I know that I have pushed the limits of my body before, and want to do it again. I want to be as fit as I can be when I do my race in January, but I don’t know where that fitness level is.
I want to be strong. I want to endure the entire race. I want to feel good after I run. And now I realize; I am strong, I endure longer runs every weekend, and I feel good after I run. I need to find a way to keep that feeling going.
Please remember that I am fundraising and training for a half marathon in January. I’m at 25% of my personal goal, and I’m so grateful, but we still have a long way to go. If you have a couple dollars to donate, not donation is too small or too large. Thank you in advance!